As children, we unconsciously take on beliefs and values held by our parents, teachers and other role models. We are often, unwittingly, still strongly influenced by beliefs that are not really ours. These have a powerful influence on our attitudes, choices and decisions.

This can result in behaviour patterns that take hold of us in such a way that our lives do not unfold to their full potential. These behaviour patterns have a direct impact on us and on the quality of our relationships – both personal and professional. It also has an impact on those around us.

The quality of the relationship you have with yourself and your relationships with others affects every other aspect of your life.

For example, as children, many of us were taught that anger is not okay. We learnt to associate it with disapproval, rejection, fear and pain. Others of us were never allowed to express our sadness, nor taught how to grieve our losses in a healthy way. We learnt to choke it down and avoid the pain of such feelings.

As a result of our negative experiences, we often bottle up our feelings of anger, sadness and loneliness deep inside and we carry them around with us like a lead weight. These suppressed thoughts, feelings and actions can become blocks and limitations that negatively influence the way we feel and behave throughout our lives. They detract from our happiness and peace of mind and prevent us from living the life we desire.

You may be covering up your emotional pain by any one of a number of automatic coping mechanisms. Although these mechanisms may make you feel safe and may feel like a solution, in reality they actually stop you from experiencing open, comfortable, rewarding relationships with others and truly enjoying life.